


behind that sugar there's only lies

by seulgisite



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 06:30:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17996696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seulgisite/pseuds/seulgisite
Summary: Irene is in love with Joy. Joy, however, has a boyfriend. Irene isn’t very happy about it.





	behind that sugar there's only lies

_Another magical Friday night_

_I think I'll sit this one at home_

 

Irene groaned internally as she tried to block out her best friend talking excitedly on the phone with her boyfriend. Why Irene even agreed to help with her friend pick out something to wear in the first place, she didn’t know. Well actually, she did; she just doesn’t want to acknowledge it.

The small girl looked up from the bed she was currently laying atop of to see that her friend was no longer talking on the phone and was now rummaging inside her closet. Irene could see the perfect view of Joy’s ass from where she was laying. Not that she was looking. She wasn’t (she was).

“So are you gonna help me?” Joy said as she turned around, a smirk evident on her face. “Or are you too busy staring at my ass?”

 _Fuck_. Was Irene that obvious?

“Your ass is a much better sight than your face,” Irene lied.

“Ugh, whatever.” Joy held up two dresses for Irene to see. “Pick one.”

One dress was pink with floral prints, a very cute innocent dress. The other was a short green dress with white stripes with an unbuttoned collar.

“Pink,” Irene said without hesitation. “You’d look like a traffic light if you wore green.”

Another lie. Joy looked great in green. Joy looked great in anything, but more so when she wears green. And Irene feared that her heart would burst if Joy wore green at a party, where she would be dancing, showing off her curves. Irene just wants to live.

“Oh, I’m not wearing it. You are.” Joy said, striding over to where Irene was. “And you’re wearing the green dress.”

“Wait, what?” Irene sat up, confused.

“You’re wearing green, Irene,”

“I thought you were picking out _your_ clothes for the party?”

“I already did. I’m wearing a crop top and shorts.” Joy said as she sat on the bed. “You, however, are wearing the green dress.”

Joy laid next to Irene, the taller wrapping an arm around the smaller.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Irene asked, pretending to be annoyed. In reality, she loved having Joy’s arms around her. Of course, she can’t say that.

“I’m trying to convince you to come to the party,” Joy said, hugging her older friend tighter.

“By hugging me to death?” Irene made the mistake of turning around and came face to face with the love of her life. Their faces were mere inches apart. “I told you, I’m not going.”

Joy, the little devil she was, came closer, and closer until she was practically kissing Irene.

“Why not?” Joy whispered slowly.

Irene swears her heart was beating louder than a marching band. As much as she wanted to lean in and kiss Joy, she didn’t. Instead, she squirmed away from the younger’s grasp, who eventually let her go. Much to Irene’s dismay.

“Because I don’t want to,” Irene sat up, suddenly the room felt like a desert. Her throat dried up and she could only feel the heat. “Why do you want me to go to that party so badly anyway?”

“You’re my best friend.” Joy said as if it explained everything. Which it did. Irene was just her best friend. It’s not like Irene was in love with her or anything.

“I’m going home,” Irene said as she got up from Joy’s bed. “I’m not going to the party.” 

“Why not?” Joy asked again. It wasn’t like Irene to let Joy go to a party on her own. Sure, her boyfriend was going to be there but Irene always went with her, just in case. Joy found it even weirder that Irene hadn’t stated the reason why she wouldn’t be going.

Irene left without answering the question.

_Unusual for me I know, but please go ahead_

_I don't want to be the blinking rabbit to your wildebeest_

And so Joy went to the party alone.

Seulgi, one of her closest friends was hosting a summer party at her house and had invited the whole neighborhood. Seulgi herself arranged this party, saying it was going to be special. And indeed it was. Her house looked like an art museum, and the size of it only made it more convincing. It was decorated to look like a set from a movie. Joy wondered how special this party must be for Seulgi to put in this much effort.

As Joy entered, she was greeted loudly by Wendy, another one of her close friends.

“Hey,” Wendy giggled. “Wait a second. Where’s Irene?”

“She said she was feeling sick,” Joy lied. The truth was she didn’t have a clue why Irene wasn’t with her.

“Oh,” Wendy said, obviously not buying it. “I thought she’d be here.”

“Why? Did she say anything to you?” Joy asked as she walked towards the living room. Wendy shook her head.

“Well, you’re here so Irene must be around somewhere. It’s odd that she isn’t.” Wendy laughed. “She must’ve gotten tired chasing after something she can’t have.”

“What do you mean?” Joy turned to face Wendy just in time to see her eyes go wide, panic clear on her face.

“Ah, it’s nothing. Forget about it.” Wendy took a soda and handed it to Joy. “Anyways, just enjoy the party. I’ll go look for Seulgi.”

“You mean she isn’t here?”

“She is, she’s just… not here.” Wendy explained before walking off.

_The jaded lover to a sex machine, you should go ahead_

Irene _was_ sick, she was sick of being pathetic. As cliché as it was, Irene had fallen in love with her best friend. How could she not? Joy was nothing if not perfect. Annoying sure, but perfect nonetheless.

As much as Irene wanted to deny it, she had fallen deeper than she thought possible. She doesn’t remember how or why she fell in love with Joy; she just woke up one day and looked forward to being with her best friend. Irene had thought it was normal, they were best friends after all.

Being best friends with one of the most extroverted girls can only go so far. Joy had gotten a boyfriend and Irene felt like her world was taken from her.

Their friendship hadn’t changed much. They still did everything together, talked about everything, it’s just that the topic of Joy’s boyfriend came up every so often. The weird part was Joy only ever mentioned her boyfriend whenever she complained about him. Not that Irene was complaining. She didn’t want to hear anything about him.

It wasn’t fair and Irene knew it. Joy’s boyfriend hadn’t done anything wrong (except maybe take Joy away from Irene but whatever). He was actually a good guy and that made Irene hate him even more. She didn’t have a legitimate reason to dislike him.

Irene was exhausted. Tired from trying to get Joy to fall in love with her. Tired from trying so hard to fall out of love with someone so lovable.

_And please give those recycled house tracks my warmest regards_

_And lock the door if you're home before the sun, oh_

So here Irene was, getting dressed in the disgusting green dress Joy had picked out for her because god knows Irene would do anything to make Joy happy. If only Joy knew that as well.

She pulled up to the curb a few houses away and she could already hear the music coming from Seulgi’s house. Irene checked her phone for the first time since she left the house to go to the party. She had twenty-three texts and four missed calls from Joy, seven texts from Wendy, two missed calls from Yeri, and one text from Seulgi.

Obviously, Irene had her priorities straight. She checked Joy’s texts first, hoping it would be something along the lines of ‘I’m in love with you’, but to no surprise, it wasn’t. It was just Joy trying to get her to come to the party by sending group photos and saying she’s missing out.

Irene didn’t need to enter the house to know that Seulgi had invited the entire neighbourhood. The lawn, previously very well-kept, was now a mess of human bodies and beer cans.

She went inside the house and grabbed a beer, even though she didn’t drink. Irene tried to find Joy, or any one of her friends really but it was hard to tell who was who considering her height. She went upstairs, ignoring all the catcalls she received.

“Hey, grandma!” Irene heard someone yell and immediately knew who it was. “Nice of you to join us young folks.”

Irene turned and came face to face with Yeri. Who else could it have been?

“Aren’t you too young to smoke crack?” Irene quipped. Yeri scoffed.

“Wendy told me you weren’t coming because you got your heart broken,” Yeri said, taking Irene’s beer.

“That would be the case if it wasn’t broken already,” Irene took her beer back from Yeri.

“Whoa, this is a party, not a therapy clinic.” Yeri laughed. “Geez, Irene calm down.”

Yeri grabbed Irene’s free hand and dragged her through the hallways.

“Come on, hurry up!” Yeri laughed. “You’re not gonna believe this,”

“Do I even want to know?” Irene laughed as well. She was curious as to what Yeri meant, even if it was probably just someone who fell in Seulgi’s pool again.

They came to a stop in front of one of the doors left partly open. Yeri put a finger to her lips, signaling her to keep quiet. Which was dumb because Irene hadn’t even said anything.

“Look, look, look!” Yeri whispered excitedly, pointing to the inside of the room. Irene looked to where Yeri was pointing.

Irene expected a prank. Instead, she saw Wendy, one of her closest friends making out with Seulgi, the party’s hostess, who she previously thought was straight.

“Whoa,” Irene said, very, very surprised.

“Whoa indeed,” Joy walked into the hallways and stood next to Irene. “Are you two pervs really watching them make out?”

A surprised Yeri turned red and shook her head.

“Of course not. Just thought Irene might wanna ask Wendy for pointers on how to get girls” Yeri giggled. “Anyway, I’m gonna go and uh, party, so bye.”

Joy raised an eyebrow. Yeri gave Irene a knowing glance and grinned before scurrying off.

Great. Now Irene was alone with the love of her life.  Joy held Irene’s hand and started walking off, leaving Irene no choice but to follow her.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Joy asked as they walked down the stairs and into the packed living room.

“I really wasn’t planning on showing up,” Irene laughed. She didn’t meet Joy’s eyes. She couldn’t.

“But you’re here. Why’s that?” Irene wished Joy hadn’t asked this question. Mostly because Irene herself didn’t know why.

“Your messages convinced me otherwise.” Irene shrugged.

Joy led them out onto the lawn, where people were having a contest to see who could chug the most beer before dying or passing out (whichever came first).

Joy was about to speak before a tall boy came over. It was Joy’s boyfriend. Joy let go of Irene’s hand.

“Hey, I was just looking for you,” Joy’s boyfriend said, he looked upset, angry even. “How can you just leave like that? After everything?”

Irene didn’t know what Joy’s boyfriend was talking about and she didn’t wanna know.

Joy looked like she was about to say something but her boyfriend leaned in and kissed her. It might’ve just been Irene’s imagination but she saw Joy hesitate before kissing back.

_Does he kiss you till your lips explode?_

Irene felt her jealousy and anger bubble up inside her and decided it was time for her to leave. She navigated her way through drunk teens and managed to get to Seulgi’s gate in one piece.

Irene saw Joy’s boyfriend’s car parked right outside the gate and thought of how many times they must’ve made out. Thought of other things they could’ve done in there. Thought of how many plans and trips Joy cancelled at the last minute because she wanted to be with her boyfriend instead.

_Does he take you places I can't afford to go?_

With tears in her eyes, Irene stalked to her car. It was dark and everyone was too busy partying to see her crying in the front seat of her car listening to her own choked sobs. No one could tell.

She drove home with puffy eyes.

Tired and angry, Irene dropped her keys on the kitchen table and went to her room. She didn’t even bother changing out of her clothes. The night was still young but Irene just wanted to go to bed. It took a while before Irene fell asleep.

A loud knock on her door woke her up. It was probably just her parents.

Irene took her phone to check the time and saw that it was three am. She also saw that she had a bunch of missed calls from Joy. Not only that, Joy had texted her. She was outside her front door. Irene practically flew out of bed and ran downstairs.

Irene swung open her door to see Joy crying.

“We had a fight,” Joy said through sobs.

Irene pulled her in and lead the taller girl to her bedroom. Joy sat down on Irene’s canopy bed and buried her face in her hands.

Joy didn’t seem to want to talk about it and Irene wasn’t going to ask. Joy needed some space and a shoulder to cry on and Irene was conveniently there.

“He…” Joy choked up on her own words. Irene’s heart broke. She hated seeing Joy like this. How broken and fragile she looked.

“Shh. You don’t have to tell me.” Irene hugged Joy. “It’s okay,”

Maybe if Joy wasn’t crying and Irene wasn’t heartbroken, maybe if Joy didn’t have a boyfriend and Irene wasn’t a coward, maybe they could’ve been in love. Maybe.

“It’s not.” Joy hugged her back.

Joy laid down, covering herself in Irene’s bedsheets. It was Irene’s turn to put her arms around Joy.

“I caught him cheating on me,” Joy said, breaking the silence.

“I thought you were asleep,” Irene dumbly said. She didn’t know what else to say.

“This isn’t the first time either,” Joy continued. “But he keeps coming back and I keep giving him another chance.”

Joy turned to face Irene. Even in the dark and post-breakdown Joy looked beautiful. Which only made it hurt more for Irene. Someone as beautiful as Joy shouldn’t be in so much pain.

“I just- I don’t know,” Joy sighs. “He keeps saying he’s changed and I keep believing him.”

Irene was tired. Tired of seeing Joy get hurt. Tired of getting hurt by Joy.

“Break up with him, then.” The words left Irene’s mouth before she could even process what she had just said.

“Okay,” Joy answered. She closed her eyes.

The next morning Irene woke up alone. She texted Joy asking if she was okay. Joy didn’t reply.

Irene spent the weekend worrying over Joy if she was really going to break up with her boyfriend. Irene worried about what that might mean for Joy. For her. A chance, maybe?

Joy didn’t text her all weekend. She didn’t even call. That only worried Irene more.

On Monday morning Irene saw Joy and her boyfriend holding hands as they walked to class together. Joy giggled at something her boyfriend whispered to her. She kissed him goodbye as he left for his own class. It was apparent that they had made up over the weekend.

_You know I know behind that sugar there's only lies, lies, lies, lies_

Irene and Joy usually sit together at lunch. Along with Wendy, Yeri, and Seulgi. But Joy was sitting at a different table with her boyfriend. Yeri was playing a game on her phone. Wendy and Seulgi were having eye sex. Irene was pretty much alone, despite her friends’ company.

Irene noticed how Joy kept glancing over to Irene’s table. At Irene, in particular. Every time their eyes met Joy would be the first to look away.

They didn’t talk for the rest of the day.

Irene walked home alone, declining the offer to go hang out with Yeri. She wasn’t really in the mood to deal with the younger’s antics.

That was a mistake. On her walk home she saw Joy and her boyfriend arguing in his car. Joy was crying and her boyfriend was yelling. Joy looked over her boyfriend’s shoulder and saw Irene. Joy looked away. Irene kept walking.

_I wonder what state you're in?_

Irene woke up to the sound of knocking. She checked the time. It was three am. Irene heard knocking again. She wonders who could possibly be knocking at her door at three am. She already knows the answer, though. No one else would knock at her door at three am.

Irene opened the door and saw Joy crying again. A sight Irene was hoping never to see again.

Irene lets her in. She leads Joy to her bedroom. She already knows how this is going to go.

_In the powder or in the gin, this one's ending bad_

“I couldn’t break up with him.” As if it wasn’t obvious enough.

“Why not?” Irene said softly, afraid that Joy might break if she spoke too harshly.

“He said he loves me,”

Irene thought that was pretty stupid. Hell, it was ridiculous. Irene knows that Joy knows that her boyfriend doesn’t love her. Irene loves Joy and she would never do anything to hurt her.

“Does he?” Irene whispers. Joy inhaled sharply.

“He does,”

“Are you going to give him another chance?” Irene asked, irritated. It wasn’t just from the lack of sleep. It was because of Joy’s stubbornness. Joy's refusal to accept the truth.

“He’s willing to change.” Joy defended.

And so they went to sleep.

Irene wakes up alone the next morning. Irene really should’ve gotten used to it by now but for some reason, it still hurts.

Joy wasn’t at school that day. She was, however, in her boyfriend’s car, laughing and singing along to a song on the radio.

They were driving somewhere and she didn’t need to ask, she already knew where they were going. Irene couldn’t care less. She doesn’t care at all (she does).

_And if you bring him home, can you use the spare bedroom?_

Irene sees them together more often than she’d like over the course of the week.

They keep holding hands, kissing between subjects. Showing off. Showing everyone that they were fine. That Joy’s boyfriend wasn’t cheating on her and that Joy wasn’t living a lie. Everyone believes it. Everyone but Irene.

_You know I know behind that sugar there's only lies, lies, lies, lies_

Irene has gotten used to it. Gotten used to waking up at two or three am and open her front door to see Joy crying. Sometimes they stay in the kitchen and drink warm milk. Sometimes they watch a movie.

Irene found it all odd. Joy was never the type to cry. She was strong and independent.

Joy finds it odd too. Irene was always there for her, never asking for anything in return. Always looking out for her.

It doesn’t get better for either of them. They’re both stuck in an endless cycle of pain. Joy seems content with pretending she’s okay. Irene does her best to cheer Joy up. Even if it is causing her pain.

_And that's alright and that's okay_

Irene wishes she didn’t make so many bad decisions whenever Joy was involved. Joy was at her doorstep again. Irene didn’t get the door this time.

Joy wasn’t at school the next day. Irene didn’t text her.

Joy shows up at Irene’s door at nine in the evening. Irene thought it was kind of early for Joy to be crying already. Turns out she wasn’t.

Irene closes her bedroom door as Joy sits on Irene’s bed. Irene remains standing there, looking at Joy who seems to be purposely avoiding meeting the older woman’s gaze.

 “Are you tired of me?” Joy asks in a small voice.

“No,” Irene answers immediately.

“I feel like you’re tired of me.” Joy fidgets with her hands. “Do you…”

Joy stops and motions for Irene to sit beside her. It was only then that Irene moved from her spot and sat next to the taller woman, unsure of what to do.

“Do you want to stop being friends with me?”

“No,”

“Maybe we should stop being friends,” Joy said, her voice free of any emotion.

_And it's all good with me, if I know it's all good with you_

“Okay,” Irene’s voice is barely a whisper. “Can you at least tell me why?”

“Because this isn’t good for either of us. I keep using you.”

“That’s okay,” Irene holds Joy’s hand. “As long as I’m there for you.”

Joy lets go of Irene’s hand.

“No,” Joy looks at Irene directly for the first time. “I get hurt and wind up here. I don’t talk to you after that. I don’t even thank you.”

“You don’t have to,”

_Cause getting lost in the middle of the in-between_

_Is only half as frightening as it first may seem_

Irene doesn’t know how her best friend ends up disappearing from her life. Not completely but hardly there.

Irene doesn’t know why Joy can’t love her back.

All Irene knows is that Joy cares for her, to an extent. Cares for her enough to not let Irene continue hurting herself pining over someone she can’t have.

Irene reminisces all their times spent together.

_So do whatever you must, love, do whatever it must take_


End file.
